Woman stands by agreed-upon guest list for group trip, sparks conversation about healthy boundaries in friendships: ‘It’s about respecting the plan’

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Mar 8, 2026 9:00 AM EDT

Planning a group trip sounds fun in theory… until someone decides the guest list is more of a suggestion than an agreement. When one woman stood by the original plan after her friend tried to add extra people without asking the group, what could have spiraled into full-blown drama instead turned into a bigger conversation about respect, communication, and why "no" isn't a personal attack. Sometimes protecting the vibe isn't about exclusion: it's about honoring what everyone already agreed to.

 

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    Three young women in the car are reading a map and laughing together. 

  • What started as a simple girls’ trip to Montreal slowly turned into something way more complicated. The original plan was for eight friends to travel together, browse Airbnbs, and maybe even hit a music festival. Everyone seemed excited… until one friend casually revealed she had also been making side plans with two newer friends… including a separate Montreal trip and potential overlap with the original one.

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    My friends and I (18F) have been roughly planning on having a girls trip to Montreal, we haven't settled on any commitments yet but we've been looking through airbnbs and activities.
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    One day, one of the friends Isabella brings up a cool music festival and asks the groupchat if we wanted to go.
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    Within a day, we all respond and get super excited about going to the festival, already planning potential days and researching prices (Isabella does not respond the whole day, usually never texts in the groupchat).
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    The next day, when we were planning airbnb/hotel situation, she just asks, "Is there room for my two friends, Renee and Lisa?
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    We can fit 10 right?" and no one knows these two girls. Only Isabella knows these them and my friends politely say that this trip was meant for just the 8 of us, accommodating 2 extra people makes things more difficult, and that we were just uncomfortable with the idea of staying with two strangers.
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    Isabella then goes on to reveal that she was also planning a Montreal trip with those two girls (the two girls don't even know each other) and she felt bad that they didn't have a room situation.
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    The two girls also wanted to go to the music festival with Isabella. The conflict was that she didn't know OUR Montreal trip was conflicting with her side plan with her two friends.
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    Women apologizing to each other after arguing. 

  • While the suggestion might have sounded harmless on paper, the group wasn’t thrilled about the idea of suddenly sharing their long-anticipated girls’ trip with two complete strangers. What made it worse was that Isabella didn’t immediately shut the idea down or clarify what she planned to do. Instead, the conversation dragged on, filled with explanations and half-answers, leaving everyone feeling like their comfort was being negotiated in real time.

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    We got a bit upset because she didn't even check in with us to make sure things weren't conflicting and it seemed like she was planning more with her other friends (that was more on a whim) when our Montreal trip was something we've always been talking about.
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    Realistically, the only two choices she had was stay with us and say no to them or stay with them.
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    When we expressed our frustration, it took so long after all the excuses she made until she finally took accountability.
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    The problem is she didn't state a plan of action following the apology, because it was clear she didn't want to have that tough conversation with them but she wanted to "make things all work" and please everyone.
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    She could've sent them a text as soon as she saw our texts and apologize for the miscommunication but no, it's almost like she refuses to.
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    By the end of the whole conversation, she said "I still don't know what to do" following her apology.
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    That's what upsets me because it felt as though she's more willing to compromise our feelings and comfort over two people she only met like 3-5 months ago just because she doesn't want to disappoint them.
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    Cheezburger Image 10611747328
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    Women arguing in the kitchen.

  • At that point, the issue wasn’t logistics anymore. It was about feeling sidelined. The group had made their discomfort clear and even offered alternatives, but instead of taking decisive action, Isabella seemed stuck trying to please everyone. For the original poster, this wasn’t just about two extra guests: it felt like a pattern of her feelings being compromised so someone else wouldn’t have to say “no.”

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    Like is she even really sorry if she doesn't know if she wants to let them know that we're uncomfortable with staying with her friends?
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    Not only do I feel blindsided by her lack of thinking but I feel like my feelings are being less prioritized.
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    AITA for being too harsh? EDIT: Seeing the comments, I'll clarify some things 1. We've given her options (similar to the ones you've suggested) and yet she would ignore them in the conversation and continue to explain why she messed things up and make more excuses 2.
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    We don't know anything that's going on with the side planning with her friends, she hasn't let us know their details despite the conflict 3.
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    I wasn't angry writing the post, the last part was more to dive deep into the emotional aspect of it and why we were all upset.
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    Out of everyone, I was the most disappointed and frustrated because this isn't the first time I felt that my feelings were compromised so that she could feel comfortable in not saying no to people (people that weren't even close to her).
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    Despite all the logistics, the excitement of planning this trip, and the options we've provided you, it's almost like how do you not know what to do??
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  • In the end, what started as a girls’ trip turned into something bigger: a conversation about boundaries, accountability, and what it really means to prioritize long-standing friendships. While miscommunications happen, the situation highlighted how important it is to make clear decisions, especially when other people’s comfort is involved. 

    Sometimes standing firm isn’t about being harsh; it’s about protecting plans everyone agreed to from the start. And judging by the responses, many readers felt that asking for clarity and respect doesn’t make someone the villain: it just makes them honest.

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